I see a lot of people rush into relationship after relationship just because they have no idea how to be alone. Some people need that other person to make their world go round but I know I don’t want that. My definition of a good relationship is where both individuals have their own life but when they’re together its just better. They don’t need that other person to make their day. One where trust, loyalty, and friendship are the backbone. ( I hope that makes sense..I’m really bad with words =/) I guess I’ve come to realize I want that after my trial and errors. 

I feel like I was too immature with my first relationship. I admit I was insecure and crazy. I had no self confidence and in the end my insecurities and other events ruined that relationship. I def. used the L word without knowing what it truly meant. I don’t regret it after all your first relationship is always the cute/innocent one. From him I learned to be more confident in myself and that being mature is a must in any relationship. I also learned that feeling of loyalty was very important to me.

My last relationship was well a more mature relationship. I grew a lot from the beginning to the end. I grew as a person and I def. learned to be a stronger person. I no longer felt insecure, probably b/c I was never given a reason to be. I felt like the center of the relationship…I think that’s one reason things just didn’t work out. I do have one regret that I might not have fully let myself give my heart. I didn’t give my 100% like he was. for that I will always be sorry. 

I can’t change my past and I would never want to. These relationships have helped me figure out what I want next and also made me realize I needed to stay single to work on myself. 2012 has been an emotional roller coaster of highs and lows. I’ve honestly never been this sad/happy. I also have never felt such independence. I know the reason for my sadness is my fault and my fault alone. I now know that I was expecting too much but I can’t help but smile in knowing that I have matured a lot. A big reason why I wanted to stay single is because I want to be able to be fine with being by myself. I admit at times I am lonely and I do get sad when I see how happy others are in their relationships but I remember that I am doing this for myself. I already know I’m not looking for a relationship but I won’t keep my heart closed to the possibility. After all everything happens for a reason.